all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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