I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
