I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize