I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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