??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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