nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
