Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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