She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
