I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
