That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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