Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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