there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
