i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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