Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I deserve this hangover.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
