2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
