would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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