Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
