Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
