he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
