i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
