i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize