I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
