Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
