you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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