I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
