So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
