I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize