he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
