Sry I called you an 8
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
