We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
