I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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