All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize