Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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