Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
