You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
