Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
