ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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