You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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