theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
