the condom got lost in my hair
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
