It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
