Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
