The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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