To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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