I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
