if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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