Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Even my vagina gasped.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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