you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
