hell yes lets make some ravioli
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
