i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
