I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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