why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize