Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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