god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
