I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
