it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
