Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
