i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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