You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
