hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
