Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
