I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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