i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
