There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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