If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
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