i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
