I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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