Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
