i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
