Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
