You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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