she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I think I just sharted jello shots
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
