how can u be prego again
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
