If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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