I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize